The Declaration of Independence

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On the couch of Halldia, July 4, 2023 The unanimous Declaration of the eleven united residents of Hall Hadia.

When in the Course of Johns Hopkins Correctional Treatment for Youth related events, it becomes necessary for one hall to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with their Residential Arsonist (R.A.), and to assume among the powers of hall independence. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all people are created equal, endowed with certain inalienable rights, including the pursuit of a carefree CTY experience, sunday morning sleep-ins, and unlimited chances to aux. To secure these rights, R.A.s are instituted among residents, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. But whenever any R.A. becomes too overly awesome, it is the right of the residents to declare their independence from such governance and establish such awesomeness themselves. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that R.A.s long established (over 1 week) should not be changed for light and transient causes. But when a long train of residence hall grievances, such as overzealous rule enforcement, excessive count offs, and strict quiet hours, evinces a design to subject us to unnecessary restrictions, it is our right, it is our duty, to throw off such unwarranted supervision and to provide new guards for our future amusement. Such has been the patient sufferance of these eleven residents, and such is now the necessity which compels them to alter their former relationship with R.A. Hadia. The history of her reign is a history of preventing truancy and fruitless attempts of enforcing punctuality. She has failed to respect the sleep requirements of growing teenagers, conducting atrocious, unjust, and unfair waking and sleeping hours. We, therefore, the eleven residents, appealing to Mr. Barry Hawkins, site director for CTY Bristol, solemnly publish and declare that these residents are, and of right ought to be, emancipated and absolved from all allegiance to R.A. Hadia. Henceforth, we shall assume full control of our destiny within the walls of Halldia, celebrating our freedom with spirited revelry and good humor. We pledge to create a hall atmosphere conducive to camaraderie and personal growth. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the mischievous nature of inhabitants of the Correctional Treatment of Youth, we mutually pledge to each other our support, our wit, and our dedication to a memorable Fourth of July celebration.

Signed, Angela, Sasha, Angie, Sophie, Sophia, Ciana, Anna, Shreya, Norah, Bethesda, Amaira

  • for legal reasons, this is a joke, we love you ❤️