Staff:CAR
This page is a record of well-known, beloved, and/or despised Carlislian staff and the many stories collected about them.
Residential Staff
Ian Hull
Ian Hull is an RA at Carlisle. Declared clinically dead five times, he is famous for his injuries. This fame is partially derived from the activity "Ian's Horrible Horrible Bad Luck" offered each session at Carlisle. It also comes from the fact that Ian has gotten injured in some way, shape, or form at least once every summer. Since 2005, Ian has offered another activity in which campers dye his hair (pink, blue, violet/gray) and ultimately make him beautiful. Ian usually carries on a talent show act, created by Bret Kramer in where he blends together various foods and drinks the resulting goop. It is a truly disgusting event to behold.
He is lots of fun if you have him as an RA, but he does bring a rape-horn to scare you sometime in the session. He is also infamous for blasting heavy metal from his room that the whole hall could hear, usually after lights out.
Ian is also the tech god for Talent Shows, a DJ for the dances (bring him a nice lamp), and knows his way around the ATS: not an easy feat. It is his job to make sure that no one touches the death machine located in the tech room above the catwalks.
"They don't call him tech GOD for nothing..." -Marieke
Jacob the Jeweler
Jacob the Jeweler, a.k.a. Jacob Brabender Weisfeld, Captain Groundbat himself, is the RA who presided over the MIND.B and EXIT.B boys in 06.2.
His nickname was born of the minds of a few hip-hop savvy campers shortly after he hosted, along with Pat Curran, the activity "Discussion Group - Hip-Hop: East Coast v. West Coast." It stems from famed jewelery seller Jacob Arabo and is a sarcastic jab at his purported high authority on all matters hip-hop. The Jeweler was a notorious "Space Nazi", and was also known for his anti-making-out tactics that involved performing pop songs at a high volume. He would also get upset over perfectly innocent contact.
Jacob will be forever remembered in the hearts of a few for his affirmations of rapper Snoop Dogg's wholesome, commodified family-friendliness as well as rapper Tupac Shakur's gentle, ballet-dancing demeanor.
It should be known that the nickname Jacob the Jeweler is not pejorative but affectionate, because he is a family-friendly figure that wears gang-neutral colors and went to a Quaker school.
In 2007, Jacob became the male SRA.
In 2008, Jacob became the TA for Latin 1.
Instructional Staff
David Leyzerovsky
David, a.k.a. Mr. Lazer. He's our favorite TA. On the first day of Dissent, 07.1, Mr. Rickford introduced the enigmatic Teaching Assistant, David. As students puzzled over his last name, Chrispy shouted, "Laser? With a Z? Mr. Lazer?" David's first word to the class was "No." And he said so quite forcefully.
- Mr. Lazer returned from long, arduous copy assignments noticeably more relaxed.
- He showed up at numerous dances with the munchies.
- He was plagued with a perpetual five o'clock shadow, leading us to believe that he shaved at night.
- He ranged from cranky but brilliant to overly friendly and mildly ridiculous.
- Sometimes, he would burst out laughing for no apparent reason.
- Once, a fly landed in his hair and stayed there for nearly an hour.
- On Love Tape Day, he rejected "not the love, just the tape."
- He speaks Russian, which we all agree is fairly awesome.
- His only friend was the TA on crutches (did he throw him down the stairs? Well???)
- Frustrated at his lack of introduction, Rachel once shouted down the halls of Uber Quad, "Well, for all we know he could be some mythical being from the Midwest. I mean, he could eat babies!" Henceforth, David was known as the Baby Eating Hipster Unicorn from Idaho.
- Thea wrote a song featuring our favorite TA, which can be found on YouTube.
- It is possible that his name is, in fact, Konstantin.
- He is Facebook stalked to this day.
Pat Clark
Pat Clark is a quite awesome RA/TA with a twin, Ben Clark, who was also once an RA. He has TA'ed Pop Culture, The 60's, Modern European History and Dissent.
At one time there was a Hall of Shame article about him as the "TA from Purgatory," which made inappropriate jokes. When asked about it, he said that he had simply made a Micheal Jackson joke that "was only a bit off-color, not wholly inappropriate." The information was true; he did make sexual jokes regarding students in addition to various other things, but they only endeared him more to the members of his class. He is generally considered a good TA.
He and Josh are known for being extremely easygoing and would often congratulate his kids for getting chicks. A student from his hall in 06.2 quotes, "If you're gonna make out with someone, don't get caught. If Josh or I catch you, you will be sorry. You will get an enthusiastic high-five, and maybe a pat on the back, but you will be sorry." He's fun.
Site Admin
Bret Kramer
- See also: Bret Kramer.
Bret Kramer is perhaps the site director with the longest reign in CTY history, which seems to have ended in recent years. Nonetheless, with the exception of some longstanding members of Lancaster's instructional team, Bret's time at CTY is probably unrivaled. He has his own page.
Campus Staff
Betty the Cardswiper
Betty the Cardswiper, a.k.a. Betty Negley, is a staff member of Dickinson College.
Every year, Betty Negley has faithfully sat in her chair at the cash register, saying, "Hel-lo. Thank-you." She has the exact same intonation every time, much to the delight of Carlisle CTYers. She has also been known to start conversations and pose for pictures. She was toasted to at Passionfruit numerous times.
She becomes mind-bendingly angry if food is stolen (e.g., taking a donut or two to eat at Passionfruit). Her wrath is also awakened when she sees people playing with their food (e.g., putting tea leaves in milk). You will not like Betty when she is angry. She would also flip out if you tried to get out of the cafeteria through her door instead of the one near the tray receptor. Some kids, in their super fun talk of partying in people's pants, took to saying "Tengo una fiesta en mis pantalones con Betty."
In 07.2, a Passionfruit initiation was singing a song about Betty, while another was doing an interpretive dance.
Some people choose to call her B-Negs.
External Links
Indian Guy at the Library
The Indian Guy at the Waidner-Spahr Library is known for faithfully warning of the library's closing each night at 8:45 P.M. His heavily accented speech and exact intonation each time makes him a character on par with Betty the Cardswiper in terms of overall popularity, although he is much newer and known only to those classes that have study hall in the library. For a few days, he mysteriously disappeared and was replaced by a woman, but returned again in time to recite his famous speech several times before the end of the session.
His speech goes as follows:
The Library will be closing in 15 minutes. Please bring all items to the circulation desk within the next ten minutes. The library will be closing in 15 minutes. Thank you.
