Staff:CAR

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This page is a record of well-known, beloved, and/or despised Carlislian staff and the many stories collected about them.

Residential Staff

Dan

Dan is an RA at Carlisle who is known campus-wide for his incredibly chillness, wearing of bandannas, and wise words of wisdom. Having started his RA duties as least as early as 08.1, he has become one of the most widely liked and respected RAs. He is also known for his "life advice" activity, though it was stolen from him in 10.1 by another RA, much to the dismay of many CTYers. Dan is also one of the few staff members who became sick during the chaos of Swine '09 (though of pneumonia rather then swine flu), while presiding over a hall of philosophy of mind and cryptology students, who were terrified to find Dan replaced by the much less awesome Nate. Luckily for everyone, Dan recovered quickly and continues to serve as an RA. He has a plastic, highly accurate nerf shotgun which is used to great effect in activities. He played Jigglypuff in the 10.2 staff Pokèmon skit.

Ian Hull

Ian Hull is an RA at Carlisle. Declared clinically dead five times, he is famous for his injuries. This fame is partially derived from the activity "Ian's Horrible Horrible Bad Luck" offered each session at Carlisle. It also comes from the fact that Ian has gotten injured in some way, shape, or form at least once every summer. Since 2005, Ian has offered another activity in which campers dye his hair (pink, blue, violet/gray) and ultimately make him beautiful. Ian usually carries on a talent show act, created by Bret Kramer in where he blends together various foods and drinks the resulting goop. It is a truly disgusting event to behold.

He is lots of fun if you have him as an RA, but he does bring a rape-horn to scare you sometime in the session. He is also infamous for blasting heavy metal from his room that the whole hall could hear, usually after lights out.

Ian is also the tech god for Talent Shows, a DJ for the dances (bring him a nice lamp), and knows his way around the ATS: not an easy feat. It is his job to make sure that no one touches the death machine located in the tech room above the catwalks.

"They don't call him tech GOD for nothing..." -Marieke

Jacob the Jeweler

Jacob the Jeweler, a.k.a. Jacob Brabender Weisfeld, Captain Groundbat himself, is the RA who presided over the MIND.B and EXIT.B boys in 06.2.

His nickname was born of the minds of a few hip-hop savvy campers shortly after he hosted, along with Pat Curran, the activity "Discussion Group - Hip-Hop: East Coast v. West Coast." It stems from famed jewelery seller Jacob Arabo and is a sarcastic jab at his purported high authority on all matters hip-hop. The Jeweler was a notorious "Space Nazi", and was also known for his anti-making-out tactics that involved performing pop songs at a high volume. He would also get upset over perfectly innocent contact.

Jacob will be forever remembered in the hearts of a few for his affirmations of rapper Snoop Dogg's wholesome, commodified family-friendliness as well as rapper Tupac Shakur's gentle, ballet-dancing demeanor.

It should be known that the nickname Jacob the Jeweler is not pejorative but affectionate, because he is a family-friendly figure that wears gang-neutral colors and went to a Quaker school.

In 2007, Jacob became the male SRA.

In 2008, Jacob became the TA for Latin 1.

Instructional Staff

Jose Iriate

The TA for POLY A., Jose is generally loved by all who know him. Normally, he takes notes and generally acts awesome, but his lecture speed is absolutely amazing. He also helps run a good simulation.

Pat Clark

Pat Clark is a quite awesome RA/TA with a twin, Ben Clark, who was also once an RA. He has TA'ed Pop Culture, The 60's, Modern European History and Dissent.

At one time there was a Hall of Shame article about him as the "TA from Purgatory," which made inappropriate jokes. When asked about it, he said that he had simply made a Michael Jackson joke that "was only a bit off-color, not wholly inappropriate." The information was true; he did make sexual jokes regarding students in addition to various other things, but they only endeared him more to the members of his class. He is generally considered a good TA.

He and Josh are known for being extremely easygoing and would often congratulate his kids for getting chicks. A student from his hall in 06.2 quotes, "If you're gonna make out with someone, don't get caught. If Josh or I catch you, you will be sorry. You will get an enthusiastic high-five, and maybe a pat on the back, but you will be sorry." He's fun.

Karl Hein

Karl Hein is the Instructor for Existentialism and Ethics. He is known to have multiple skills, such as being able to sing and play guitar, as well as a ridiculously large knowledge of Philosophy. His background is mostly unknown, save for the fact that he comes from Oregon, and he has multiple degrees. This lead the people of 18.1 and 18.2 to question whether or not he is a cryptid.

Misha

Misha is one of many Probability and Game Theory instructors. He was born in Georgia (the European country, not the American state!) and still has an accent. He is extremely nice to his students, trying to form a personal bong to each and every one of them. He is famous for giving out a high five to anyone who is able to solve a challenging logic problem. He is also well-known for dedicating a lot of class time to playing the strategy game "Diplomacy," best described as a crossover of Risk and Chess.

Chris Leone

Chris Leone has long graced CTY Carlisle with his fun attitude and quirky humor. Since at least 2014, Chris has been the instructor for the Cryptology A class, an in-depth look at the history and methods of secret messaging. While definitely a fascinating topic to study, it is one of the more difficult courses to teach. To make it all more interesting, Chris uses the Purple Ferret, a master spy trying to recruit the class into his ranks. The Purple Ferret was already a running joke among the staff, and was on the contraband list before Chris. Many secret messages from the ferret are given as puzzles for the class to solve in between other things for those that finish earlier. The final ‘test’ essentially sends the class on an elaborate scavenger hunt, receiving encrypted messages from the ferret’s agents that point to the next location. I’ll avoid going into much detail about this, as it may spoil the experience for future students, but the interactive element of this brings a level of interest you just don’t get from most classes. In addition to the scavenger hunt, Chris also uses unique ‘achievement cards’ that we earn throughout the course and use at later points to do various things in the classroom. Most of the encrypted messages that weren’t from the mysterious Purple Ferret turned out to be lyrics to Weird Al Yankovic songs, a rather peculiar artist known for writing wacky parodies. As very few people know of them, the lyrics still provide a challenge to decrypt, while also being amusing to read.

Outside of class, Chris stands as one of the few instructors to take part in activities and dances with the CTYers. He consistently attends dances dressed up as a Ninja Turtle, complete with red mask and a turtle-shell backpack. On casino night Chris traditionally performs robberies dressed in a black ninja costume, throwing the loot for CTYers to grab. He also typically wears the same costume on Big Sat, even participating in Rock-em Sock-em (discontinued in 2018) with the RAs. Even on the regular weekday activities, Chris often helps lead raving activities along with the RA who runs it.

Administrative Staff

Bret Kramer

Bret Kramer lives in a cardboard box under a bridge during the year. Every June, Galen tracks him down, douses him with mouthwash and delousing powder, makes him shave, and drives him to Carlisle.

He is also said to live on the blood of young, crabby, sometimes spoiled, and always naïve children. Yummy!

Bret always laughs heartily during the "American Pie" line "I saw Satan laughing with delight" at dances.

Bret is also somewhat infamous for his Talent Show act at Carlisle in 00.1, in which he put milk and a turkey sandwich into a blender, blended it, and then drank the resulting goo. It was truly disgusting to behold, and has inspired numerous followup acts by other staffers in subsequent years, mostly by Ian Hull.

A running joke is that he is always kidnapped or otherwise taken against his will by some sort of outside force, either aliens or time travelers or the like for every Big Saturday and First Friday event. The Big Nickelodeon Saturday mandatory fun event made fun of this joke in 07.1, when Bret walked onstage demanding to be kidnapped, since it had happened the last 16 times. The staff then relented and led him offstage in imaginary handcuffs. The event itself usually entails playing themed games to "rescue" Bret from his captors, despite the fact that he is always seen walking around the campus during the activities. When talked to, he usually does a humorous impression of his captors.

In seriousness, Bret has been working for CTY for many, many years, having started as an RA and worked his way up to the position of Site Director at Carlisle. He's quite brilliant at the job, and clearly loves working with students and staff alike. We can only hope that he continues to work with CTY for years to come.

EDIT: Much to the dismay of returning students, Bret Kramer did not return to CTY Carlisle in 2010. He was replaced by the site's former DRL, Lesa, who did, in fact, repeat the cake metaphor for the campers in the campers-only opening ceremonies. However, the only line of commentary she added to Starcrash was "In the future, elevators go sideways", substantially less than Bret's traditionally insightful commentary.

Lesa Goodhue

Lesa was the Site Director of CTY Carlisle up until 2015. She worked as the Dean of Residential Life while Bret Kramer was the Site Director, and was promoted when Bret left in 2010. Recognized for her incredibly long hair, she is also responsible for recruiting a portion of the staff, such as SRAs Lauren and Mike, and RA Cameron, who she knew from having them as students, as she is a teacher during the year. Though perhaps not as gifted with comedy as Bret was, she did a very good job as Site Director. She is also known for her remarkable talent in staring contests.

She now works for the higher-ups of CTY, but did visit CAR.16.1 during the last week, and CAR 16.2 on the opening day and during the second week.

Lauren the SRA

Lauren the SRA started in 09.1 and is famous for two things. The first is being made SRA after only one year as a regular RA. This was as a result of many of the more experienced staff choosing not to return after the disaster that was Swine '09, and was rumored to have made Lauren the subject of much animosity amongst some her colleagues. The other, and more notable thing, is her persecution of Newton and Evan's "There Will Be Blood" sketch during the first poetry night, and subsequent pieing in the face during Big Sat, through the efforts of the nevermore class and their friends (see here for more information). Despite this occasionally bitter conflict though, she is regarded as being not that bad, and after the initial persecution turned out to be a much nicer person.

Mike the SRA

Mike the SRA was the male SRA from CAR.10, and is very well liked for his chillness, as well as for his excellent taste in music. He is known to run some of the music appreciation activities, as well as for reading at (and lending his flashlight to) Poetry Night. He is also renowned for his flowing blond locks and being related to RA Cameron, also known as "Gorgeous".

Megan

Megan was a former SRA, Dean of Residential Life, and is now the Site Director, having replaced Lesa when she was promoted to Program Manager. She is regarded as being highly reasonable and especially tolerant of traditions such as Passionfruit, and as a result is very well liked.

However, during one of the last meetmarkets of 10.2, she made up the rule "no laying down on the ground". When one CTYer inquired about why, she said "we can't see what you guys are doing (couples) when you're laying down". This is obviously not true, because RA's at meet market function similar to lighthouses on KW lawn.

Nightfox!

Nightfox/Optimus Prime/Sex Panther is actually Noah, a former RA and current office employee in the KW building. As an RA he was known for taking pleasure in catching CTYers breaking the rules, even going so far as to hide behind trees at meet market to catch couples displaying PDA, earning him the nickname of Nightfox. When expressing his dislike of the name Nightfox, he was given the additional nickname of Optimus Prime and later, Sex Panther. While he is one of the stricter and sometimes more annoying staff members, Nightfox is highly entertaining to have around and is a central part of the CTY community. In 10.1, he worked in the administration and lived on the first floor of Quad 3, a girls' dorm.

Notable quotes include:

-"Whatever happened to that ginger you used to suck face with?"

-and famously,"Do you have any idea how much play i got last year?!"

Jack Krentz

An RA turned SRA, then DRL when Megan was promoted to Site Director. Known for his energy during dances, hilarious activites such as Hardwood Floors and the 13th Annual Arnold Palmer Time Travel Pro-Am BBQ Night Tactical Grape Soda Learning Games (a compilation activity with TA Chrispy of Micro), and overall coolness, Jack has graced CAR with his presence for quite some time. He is frequently seen talking at Meet Market, doing things that a DRL does, and being an overall awesome dude. Jack definitely does Canada (his home country) proud at Carlisle.

Campus Staff

Betty the Cardswiper

Betty the Cardswiper, a.k.a. Betty Negley, is a staff member of Dickinson College.

Every year, Betty Negley has faithfully sat in her chair at the cash register, saying, "Hel-lo. Thank-you" ((what's especially funny is hearing her try to fit "good morning" into two syllables)). She has the exact same intonation every time, much to the delight of Carlisle CTYers. She has also been known to start conversations and pose for pictures, as well as accepting love-tape on Love Tape Day. She has been toasted to at Passionfruit numerous times;In 07.2, a Passionfruit initiation involved singing a song about Betty whilst a second person did an interpretive dance.

She becomes mind-bendingly angry if food is stolen (e.g., taking a donut or two to eat at Passionfruit). Her wrath is also awakened when she sees people playing with their food (e.g., putting tea leaves in milk). You will not like Betty when she is angry. She would also flip out if you tried to get out of the cafeteria through her door instead of the one near the tray receptor. She apparently also believes that all fedora-wearing CTYers look the same to her, as she confused Ross Rheingans (CAR.10.2) with another fedora'd camper who tried to sneak in without swiping his card. Some kids, in their talk of partying in people's pants, took to saying "Tengo una fiesta en mis pantalones con Betty."

Other card readers include Doris Brion, Leona Teeter, and the creepy guy with the big ring. As of 11.2, Betty Negley had quit her job; The Couples' Couch purchased, signed, and sent her a goodbye card. Her place seems to have been taken by Doris, for whom a group card was signed by a lot of people at Nathan Pugh's initiative in 14.2

Some people choose to call her B-Negs.

External Links

Indian Guy at the Library

The Indian Guy at the Waidner-Spahr Library is known for faithfully warning of the library's closing each night at 8:45 P.M. His heavily accented speech and exact intonation each time makes him a character on par with Betty the Cardswiper in terms of overall popularity, although he is much newer and known only to those classes that have study hall in the library. For a few days, he mysteriously disappeared and was replaced by a woman, but returned again in time to recite his famous speech several times before the end of the session.

His speech goes as follows:

The Library will be closing in 15 minutes. Please bring all items to the circulation desk within the next ten minutes. The library will be closing in 15 minutes. Thank you.