Starcrash

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Starcrash is a terrible sci-fi movie starring Christopher Plummer and David Hasselhoff (before his Baywatch fame). It is pretty much some Italian guy's ripoff of Star Wars involving a chick in a bikini, a white dude with big hair, a redneck-sounding robot, and post-Sound of Music Christopher Plummer, as stated above. He must have really needed the money.

Can also be described as (quoted), "In the late '70s, an Italian director attempted to capitalize of the success of Star Wars by creating a space movie with David Hasselhoff. The result? STARCRASH!"

IMPERIAL BATTLESHIP. . . HALT THE FLOW OF TIME!

The Starcrash experience was fantastically heightened by the sarcastic comments of longtime Carlisle staffer Bret Kramer, who inevitably turned up for the showing. However, after Bret left Carlisle in 2010, the new director Lesa did a fine job with the commentary. RA Sim did the commentary in '17 and 18.1. Starting in 18.2, the commentary has been taken over by RA Gaynor. The general love of Starcrash has allegedly spawned 'Terrible Movie Tuesday', wherein a different, horrendous example of cinematic excrement is shown every Tuesday (such as Manos: The Hands of Fate or Sinbad of the Seven Seas). It is unknown whether this will continue in the future.

The Starcrash-esque quotes become long-running jokes among CTYers. Known for its amazing special effects (e.g., the take-off scene with only the three ships), its witty dialogue ("You're the best human-like friend I've ever had..."), and the process of the female lead becoming more and more scantily clad throughout the course of the movie, Starcrash is so beloved by its audiences.

But viewers beware. The RAs are everywhere, and they don't appreciate the use of the theater as a make-out session. They just don't. So don't try it. They might throw a Whopper at you (allegedly RA Matt 06.2).

  • Edit: RAs, as of 10.2, have become fairly relaxed in the stopping of this behavior. If couples were being overtly passionate, they would merely be advised to 'stop fschnargling' by most RAs. Some RAs also enjoy staring contests with the 'fschnarglers' which can become quite amusing. It has also become a fairly common practice for kissing to occur immediately after the 'imperial battleship' line.

During one of the heated scenes of the movie at CAR.10.2, one student who will remain nameless started the viral song "Sexual Harassment Panda," which resulted in the entire audience screaming the lyrics, much to Megan and the SRAs (Lauren and Mike's... well, more Lauren's) dismay. This performance resulted in the ban of the song from campus by Lauren, announced to the Couple's Couch members at the following meet market.

If there is extra time left after the movie ends, there is a David Hasselhoff sing-a-long, where around 40-50 campers and RAs flood to the floor of ATS to dance, lip sync, do conga lines, and have fun! In 16.1 and 17.1, "Hooked on a Feeling" and "Jump in my Car" were played consecutively.

In 11.1, the 7th place hall in House Wars was allowed to also comment on the movie during the activity, with Mina doing most of the commenting.

Starcrash was shown during an activity at LAN.10.1, brought to LAN by former Carlislian and long-time Lancaster RA Shae Fitzgerald, to the amusement of all in attendance.

  • Quote

Ryan: You mention plotholes, as in holes in the plot... What plot?

Shae: You mean you didn't notice how intricately woven the plot was?

An almost identical event to the one at LAN 10.1 occurred at LAN 10.2. It has since become a traditional event, usually as a double block activity on last Tuesday, which over 200 people attend.

Since at least LAN 13.1, there has been a Starcrash SKL Drinking Game. However, it's been rather hidden and not a widespread practice. Fortunately, as of LAN 18.1, these rules have been expanded and improved and are now available to the public as follows:

Drink when...

  1. There is a repeated clip (one for each occurrence, not for each clip)
  2. A low-budget explosion occurs (one that covers the whole screen)
  3. Akton smiles for something not worth smiling at
  4. Any character laughs at something not worth laughing at
  5. A character should have died but doesn't (drink when they are confirmed alive/revived) (e.g. The Count's ultimate weapon, etc.)
  6. Akton reveals a new power or ability
  7. Stella Star appears in an outfit that is different from the last scene
  8. The laws of science are ignored (e.g. ignoring the vacuum of space)
  9. A character makes a statement that is immediately contradicted by what appears on screen (drink when contradiction occurs)
  10. A character moves due to stop-motion (drink once per character, resets if the character goes off-camera)
  11. The Emperor blinks
  12. A character changes sides (between helping and challenging the protagonists)
  13. The audience applauds (frequency and reasoning may vary per session)
  14. Chug for the entire time the Emperor says "Imperial Battleship... halt the flow of time!"

The recommended amount of SKL to bring to beat the Starcrash Drinking Game is anywhere from 1 1/2 to 2 cartons of SKL. Repeated clips (rule #1) are most common, and there are two scenes that are almost completely made up of repeated clips. If you have trouble making it through the first instance (about halfway through the movie), then you should stop playing or else you are at risk of vomiting from SKL overdose from the scene dubbed "The Gauntlet," which is towards the end of the movie. Only you, the participant, are responsible for the stomach pains, cramps, or vomit that may result from participating in the Starcrash Drinking Game. Drink responsibly. I personally promise you won’t get diabetes. Maybe.